We were gifted a beautiful print dedicated to our beautiful boy today. My friends gifted us a print that is measured to the size of Hamish at 50.5cms. It was a beautiful gift that will go up in our apartment. I feel like it is Hamish’s way of saying I will always be around you at home. You can see my up on the wall Mum and Dad. I know he is always around. Just as they gave Greg and I the framed print a white butterfly flew past. I know Hamish is with us always. The hard part is that it isn’t in the physical form. It isn’t a normal mother and son relationship. I do feel so close to him. I feel like he guides me each day and watches over me. I feel like his essence flows through my writing and other creative endeavours I have. I am still wondering why he only came for a short time. I do know that he wanted his life to matter. He wanted to make the most of having me as his mum. He wanted to help other families going through this kind of loss. He also wanted to raise awareness for stillbirth and break the taboo of talking about it in our society. It blows me away sometimes with how awkward this conversation can be. Some people hate speaking about it. Or they are so worried you might cry or they will upset you so they don’t say anything at all. I don’t blame people for not wanting to talk about it. It is a sad topic of conversation. I believe though that having this conversation is so important. We can’t shy away and only talk about butterflies and rainbows literally and figuratively. We need to face up to the darkness of life and know it is all ok. As exciting it is to have joy in each day, the sadness is also a blessing. There needs to be the yin with the yang otherwise what would one be without the other?
Hamish you are so beautiful and I am glad to have another beautiful print in our home to remind us of your strength and grace.