Day 132

In Buddhism they believe that our lives never end. Yes we leave the earth plane but we carry on in other places depending on how we have behaved in this life. They believe our spirit carries on and can be rebirthed in the human form over and over. One of my new Thai friends told me Hamish will be back. He will come back to me one day. I can only think that this may be true. I don’t think he will come back as my child though. I don’t believe my next child has the same soul and spirit of Hamish. I believe that he will be rebirthed maybe many years to come. I trust that whatever realm he is now in that he is safe.

We went the Big Buddha and a few other temples around it today to pray for Hamish. We were blessed by a Buddhist Monk who gave us lots of good luck for our marriage and future children. Spending time at the temple made me feel peaceful. I prayed that Hamish is ok wherever he is. I prayed that his spirit is at peace and he is free from any pain. I have forgiven myself and Hamish for leaving. I know that this time on earth he was only needed for a short time. I can’t change that and I am accepting it more each day. There are so many unknowns in life and times where we have to surrender. Before I thought controlling everything and protecting myself was the best way to live. I have realised now I was only living in fear. Fear that the worst may happen. It pretty much did. Here I am four and a bit months later still standing. My heart and body is still recovering. I feel so much stronger now. Like I can take anything on. I have been pushed way past what I though my limits where.

Hamish I pray for you. I pray that you are safe and feeling loved. 

Author: Jodie Matthews

I am a mother, writer, mindful life coach, minimalist and many other things. I love mother nature. I am happiest when I am floating in the ocean. I am a keen traveller and love to explore and discover new places. You can connect with me further on instagram at @jodieleannematthews

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