Day 133

I had the most fun today I have had in a long time. We booked a day tour of the Angthong islands which are about an hour away from Koh Samui. We took off on a speedboat and it was a smooth ride for the most part. Since I get seasick I was really happy that it wasn’t too bumpy. We get to the first lot of islands and jump in to the water for a snorkel. Our guide takes us around the reef and we see so many colourful schools of fish. The fish don’t seem fussed with us and just swim by. After about half an hour in the water we spot our first reef shark. It’s about 2 meters long and it looks friendlier than I expect a shark to be. Then there is three of them swimming below us. A big one swims through the coral near us and Greg screams in his snorkel ‘f**k’ out loud into the water,  the shark couldn’t get away any quicker. The shark was much more scared of us than we were of him.

Next we went to visit a Beautiful limestone salt water lake. It’s green water and lime stone walls that surround it are so untouched. It’s nice to see a part of the islands which is protected and a national marine park. Next stop is James Bond island and we go for a kayak around the islands. We had a double kayak so it meant we had to paddle in sync. It took us about half an hour to get the hang of it. We couldn’t have two captains of the ship. I listened to Greg from the back of the kayak and we did our best to not fall out.

We got back to the hotel and after what was such an amazing day I started to feel a bit sad. There are always parts of my day when I am smiling knowing Hamish is happy where he is. That he wants us to have that happiness too. There are also parts of my day where I miss my baby. I miss everything about him. I miss what could have been. I miss the family holiday we wanted to take. I miss the smiles I never got to see. I miss being able to cuddle and kiss his precious face. Tears roll down my cheeks and I say to Greg it’s not fair. I don’t get to be a Mummy to my boy. I’m left here feeling empty without him. All I wanted was to be the best Mum I could be for him.

Hamish I love you so much.

Author: Jodie Matthews

I am a mother, writer, mindful life coach, minimalist and many other things. I love mother nature. I am happiest when I am floating in the ocean. I am a keen traveller and love to explore and discover new places. You can connect with me further on instagram at @jodieleannematthews

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