It’s day four and I am starting to feel a little more energy. It’s surprising how well our bodies can run when we give our digestive system a break. I feel like I am adjusted now to Thai time and I wake up at seven am. Our day starts with a clay and Physllium husk detox drink with coconut water. The first time I drank it I felt like being sick. Four days later and it’s the closest thing I have to food and I’m savoring every sip. After drinking it we decide to go for a walk along the beach. The waves are crashing into us as we walk along the shore. We talk about how grateful we are to be here. About how many more adventures we have ahead of us. When next bub comes along we want to take a year out and travel around Australia. There are so many beautiful beaches to visit and country towns. We want to get a camper trailer that we can take with us everywhere we go. We want to live our life to the fullest and make sure we appreciate every moment.
We stop back at the resort for our next meal (aka drink) of the day. I decided on a beetroot juice and greg has a green one with chilli. I am feeling a little queasy after the juice so we just chill by the pool. Our next meal is a coconut to drink. I love my daily coconut knowing it has been picked recently from the island. I then decide to take a kayak out on the beach and go for a little solo adventure. There are some shore breakers so it takes me three times and someone’s assistance to get on and away. I feel free on the ocean. I know I can trust her. I paddle around and soak up the glorious day.
I then go for my treatment which is a tai sang cheng. It is a stomach massage which is supposed to assist your digestion. The lovely practitioner kindly asks ‘when did you have a baby?’ ‘I say four months ago’ ‘Oh who is looking after the baby?!’ Hmmm how do I answer this? God? The universe? Source? Someone is looking after my Hamish. I wouldn’t just leave him alone out there. I tell her ‘he is no longer here with us.’ Her face drops. ‘Oh I am so sorry’. The treatment begins as she does some healing work on my heart. It brings her to tears. I feel like my chest is caving in from the pain of her massaging my heart space. It hurts but in a good way. After the treatment she said she has never had this happen before. She was covered in goosebumps and brought to tears. She allows me to have a little cry. I leave knowing I have opened her heart and mine a little more.
Hamish I hope you are well cared for. I am not sure if you are a baby spirit who needs looking after but whenever I think of this I think of my precious mother in law Doreen who is up there with you. I know she would be taking really good care of you. She would be giving you all the motherly love you need. When I first found out you left I had a small sense of peace wash over knowing your Grandma is with you.
I Am Still Born 