Day three of our detox and I am starting to feel a little more normal. I was so tired after visiting the night markets I needed a good nights sleep. My body is calling for me to take it easy today. It wants me to have a break. I spent most of the day relaxing on the beach. I spend a good hour in a staring competition with a crab. After looking at the crab I wondered if he could actually see me. If I moved a tiny bit he would too. I spent time playing in the sand. I wrote Hamish’s name in the sand and collected leaves to place around it.
I cried thinking about how much I love him. How much I miss him. I miss having him close to me. I want to honour Hamish each day. I want to make him proud. I know he is an old soul. I will try and learn as much as I can from him. I know he has forever changed me. Losing someone I have unconditional love for hurts so much. I am however trying my best to see the light in every day. I am living my life to the fullest.
Tonight we sat on the beach next to my little altar I made for Hamish and watched the sun set over the sea. Greg hugged me as the tears fell down my cheeks. Our little boy is up there somewhere. He is in every butterfly that flutters past us. He is in every drop of the ocean I swim in. He is in every grain of sand that falls between my fingers. He is in every cloud. He is in every breath I take.
I love you Hamish.
I Am Still Born 