Day 104

Christmas Eve is not how I thought it would look. I am doing my best to not dwell on what our life was going to look like and embrace what is. We went to the beach this morning for a nice long swim. I felt so free in the ocean. It washed away my worries for a fleeting moment. Greg has been really snappy and angry. It isn’t easy when your both trying to grieve and at different stages. I really hope he can move past the anger eventually. I know this isn’t fair but we do need to try and make the most of our lives.

I feel heartbroken every time I think of Hamish. Even though my soul might have agreed to let him go my heart still yearns for him. I light a tea light candle each day on his urn. I want him to know I’m thinking of him. Particularly this time of year. It was going to be his first Christmas. We were supposed to be celebrating in style in our new home. Showering him with love and kisses. Santa was supposed to visit. Even though he would have only been 3 and a half months, we would have made his first Christmas so special.

Hamish mummy and daddy love you so much. We hope wherever your spirit is spending Christmas it’s in a nice place. I hope that Santa and his reindeer drop you a visit. I will be sending all my love to your home tomorrow. I will think of you all day and I will smile knowing you are ok. Deep down I know your ok. I will give your Daddy extra hugs tomorrow. Love you.

Author: Jodie Matthews

I am a mother, writer, mindful life coach, minimalist and many other things. I love mother nature. I am happiest when I am floating in the ocean. I am a keen traveller and love to explore and discover new places. You can connect with me further on instagram at @jodieleannematthews

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