Today I felt so fired up. Like I just needed to start writing my book. I had this nudge ever since Hamish came along to create something for mother’s going through this. An ebook they can read while in hospital. A book that lets them know they are not alone. That their fears are heard and felt. That their pain is shared and they have many other sisters on this journey. The day I found out Hamish had no heartbeat was the loneliest day. I have never felt so alone in the world. Not because I didn’t have the support of my loving husband and family but because in that maternity ward I’m guessing I was the only one delivering a dead baby that day. I was the only one crying and screaming out in despair not only for the pain of labour but for the life of my child that was swiftly taken away.
I know I want to write something beautiful to help other mothers get through this. I want this to be a collective of stories. I have started reaching out to women I know have been through stillbirth and baby loss. This book once completed in a couple of months will be shared as a special gift. I will share it with midwives, social workers and also other organisations that are in contact with women going through this. It will be available to download on my blog also for anyone that needs it.
This book has found me and I have started to put the words down. I am listening to my intuition each day and I know I have this gift of time is for a reason. I will birth this into the world. We all have creative gifts waiting to be birthed into the world.
Precious boy I think of you each day. I know you will continue to serve through me. I know what is birthed through me is a direct result of your gifts to the world. Thank you Hamish.