Today I feel like I have more energy to face the world. Today I feel a little lighter. I am generally inpatient usually but since Hamish was born I am learning to slow down. I am learning that we don’t have to be in a rush to get anywhere. I am doing my best to make the most of each day. I love being able to get out in the sun. Go for a big walk and feel like I am moving the energy around my body.
I don’t want to stand still. I don’t want to stagnate. I do however want to honour my grief. I want to feel all the emotions that come up. Good, bad and ugly. Going with the flow of where my day takes me. I am crying less. I am starting to see more light. The hard part for me now is getting back into social events. Not that I want to shy away from everything but I do want to honour how I am feeling. I am not ready to be celebrating Christmas. I am starting to feel more joy but being in a large group is intimidating.
Hamish I love you and I just want you to know that.