Day 69

Each day that goes by I wake up feeling differently. Today I was exhausted after a late night and not the most restful sleep. I have a barbecue picnic with the Angel parents from our support group today. I am really looking forward to seeing them all. Sharing stories and just hanging out. Greg on the other hand isn’t much in the mood for socialising. I think the weekends hit him the hardest when he isn’t at work and has more time to think of all the what if’s. I try my best to support him and not push him to do too much socially if he doesn’t feel like it.

We have a lovely picnic by the local dam. A few tears were shed in-between all the laughs. I felt so comfortable in all of their company. We are all at different stages in our journey but we are all just trying to do the best we can to put one foot in front of the other. Some days that might mean a few steps back or a few forward. We are all trying to be kind to ourselves and make the best of the cards we have been dealt.

It’s not fair. It’s hard to reconcile and accept. We miss our children dearly. We all want to honour them in everything we do. We want our current and future children to know their angel brothers and sisters. We want our family and friends to acknowledge and speak our child’s name often. We want our little angels to be remembered as their life did matter. However long or short it was it mattered. Our children are our guardian angels now who are lighting the path for us. I feel like they would be proud of us all for where we are at, for uniting together and supporting each other through this.

Hamish please know I am trying to do my best each day. I have been crying a lot. Please know that each tear is just a small rain drop of the love I have for you. The love I have for you is so deep it could fill an entire ocean.

P.S. This song has been on repeat the last week x

“Waves”

There is a swelling storm
And I’m caught up in the middle of it all
And it takes control
Of the person that I thought I was
The boy I used to know

But there is a light
In the dark
And I feel its warmth
In my hands
In my heart
Why can’t I hold on

It comes and goes in waves
It always does
It always does
We watch as our young hearts fade
Into the flood
Into the flood

And freedom
And falling
The feeling I thought was set in stone
It slips through my fingers
Trying hard to let go
It comes and goes in waves
It comes and goes in waves
And carries us away

Through the wind
Down to the place we used to lay when we were kids
Memories of a stolen place
Caught in the silence
An echo lost in space

It comes and goes in waves
It always does
It always does
We watch as our young hearts fade
Into the flood
Into the flood

And freedom
And falling
The feeling I thought was set in stone
It slips through my fingers
Trying hard to let go
It comes and goes in waves
It comes and goes in waves
And carries us away

I watched my wild youth disappear in front of my eyes
Moments of magic and wonder
It seems so hard to find
Is it ever coming back again
Is it ever coming back again
Take me back to the feeling when
Everything was left to find

It comes and goes in waves
It always does
It always does

And freedom
And falling
The feeling I thought was set in stone
It slips through my fingers
Trying hard to let go

It comes and goes in waves
It comes and goes in waves
And carries us away

Author: Jodie Matthews

I am a mother, writer, mindful money coach, minimalist and many other things. I love mother nature. I am happiest when I am floating in the ocean. I am a keen traveller and love to explore and discover new places. You can connect with me further on instagram at @jodieleannematthews

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