This past week has been very social. Being an extrovert normally coming into social situations now is very different. I feel exposed and sad. I want to talk about Hamish but sometimes I can’t find the words to explain how I am feeling. I went to a lovely friends engagement party today and I was feeling a little anxious but I knew Hamish was there with me. I feel him shining down on me and sharing his light.
I went out for dinner with my girls after to celebrate my birthday. It was fun but bittersweet. I can feel all the love my friends have for us and I feel so blessed. Sometimes though I wake up and think this is not how it’s supposed to be. This isn’t fair. I wasn’t meant to be out for a big dinner and drinking wine on my birthday. I was supposed to be at home looking after Hamish and having a quiet night.
Hamish please help me navigate this new life without you. It’s hard to not think each day about what ‘should’ have been. I know your in a safe place but mummy misses you so much.
I Am Still Born 