Day 57

I wake up each day feeling like it is unfamiliar territory. I think of the missed breastfeeds. All the baths I would have given you. The nappy changes, the smiles and cuddles. I check my calendar and look at things I already had booked in for us to do. I was planning on taking you to my work next week and celebrating my birthday with you. Although you are still here in spirit I can’t help but think of these things.

My life is forever changed. It’s like sliding doors. I feel like an imposter. I have slipped into a vortex of another’s life, surely this isn’t mine. A life that is very different to the one I was living previously.

I am still turning to gratitude each day and it is helping me get through. The lessons I have learnt from you Hamish are the hardest I have ever learned. There is nothing that prepares you for this. One thing I do know for certain now is that life is fragile. Life on earth is impermanent. We have a finite amount of time with an infinite amount of possibilities. If not now then when. Tomorrow is never promised. I know that my boy has reached so many with this message. I can feel the changes in others around me. He has made a lot of people question their path, be more grateful for their present and live a more meaningful life. Hamish has broken his parents hearts in two, all the while showing them how much love surrounds them. He has brought us a new reality. A new start and many new possibilities.

Hamish thank you for showing us how to be more grateful, caring and present.

Author: Jodie Matthews

I am a mother, writer, mindful life coach, minimalist and many other things. I love mother nature. I am happiest when I am floating in the ocean. I am a keen traveller and love to explore and discover new places. You can connect with me further on instagram at @jodieleannematthews

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