Today I was pushed around by 40 people in a circle, I had deep conversations with 4 elderly people at a bowling club about their lives, I let my subconscious take over, I stood up in front of 82 people and told them how I’m going to improve my relationships after getting feedback that I am not present enough, I went up to a guy and told him he was handsome (something I wouldn’t normally do), had soulful conversations over breakfast with Alexi, Preston, my lovely friend Athina and a few other inspiring people. I learnt how to centre myself with my breath. I got up again in front of over 100 people and told them what I got the most clarity from this weekend and what I am committed to doing for the rest of my life. I witnessed a beautiful singer belt out a heartfelt tune. Drank cocktails and had a nourishing dinner with some deep and open conversations.
This wasn’t your typical day to say the least. What I took from this experience is hard to put into words. It’s called the bridge experience as it bridges many different techniques and modalities to get ourselves to get out of our own way. I realise after this weekend I need to show up more in some areas of my life. Particularly in my marriage. While being an A type over achiever it seems I was allowing my most important relationship to be neglected. Yes we are a strong couple and are very much in love. However I am not always present. I get lost on social media in the Instagram and Facebook vortex. The problem isn’t my phone it’s that I try and communicate while not being fully there. I try and have a conversation while still looking at my phone. I do this too often. I am committed to showing up fully from now on. It’s ok to have time on my phone but it’s not ok to do it while mid conversation.
The other thing I’m taking away from all of this is that I need to play more. I need to be carefree and let go of control sometimes. I have been a control freak from a young age due to taking on a lot of responsibilities as a child. I never knew how to allow others to help me as I always had to help myself. This turned me into a fiercely independent goddess who can achieve amazing things. So it has had it’s benefits. I realise now though that you can’t always be in control. Hamish you are my biggest lesson in this. I wanted you in my life so badly and I know I have to surrender to what has happened. It’s time for freedom. It’s time for me to get out of my head. It’s time for play.
Hamish I will continue to listen to you and know that you are helping me on this path.
P.S. After asking my new 80 year old plus friends what their secret was I got an interesting response from each of them.
Peggy Rose said that growing up through the great depression ensured she had resilience for when tough times came along and every part of life was a blessing. Marci told me her secret was to be grateful everyday and never envious of others. Peter said it was at least half a bottle of red wine each night!
And you know what response they all had for the thing they were most proud of in their life? It was their children. As a mother I am so proud of Hamish so I can relate. He is weaving his way through many lives. He is raising awareness for stillbirth. He is helping others around me live their truth. He has helped his mum and dad come together more. I couldn’t be more proud of my little one.