Day 16

Today I wake up feeling good. I get up and make a breakfast smoothie for Greg and I. I then head to the beach for a big walk with my friend and her cute dog Ollie. We walk along the beach talking about life and how it is unfolding for both of us. A big part of what we talk about is surrendering. Surrendering to life and how it turns out. How we can’t control everything even if we wanted to.

I head home and spend some time with Greg. We then head out together for lunch with another friend at a local boat shed café. Each time I’m out in public I look around at everyone. Can they see the pain in my eyes? I wonder how they are feeling about life today? We sit by the water after lunch eating ice creams and chatting about life. Greg has been feeling chest pains most of the day and we don’t know if it is anxiety related or something else. We have booked in at the doctors this afternoon so he can get it checked out. I am worried as I know he is dealing with his grief in his own way and I just want to make sure he is ok.

If you present at the Doctors with chest pain the first thing they want to do is send you for an ECG. As Greg lost his mum to a heart attack they don’t take any of his symptoms lightly. So off we go to get some tests done and check everything is all ok. The tests come back all clear so we think he might be having some panic attacks. We will try and get a referral to see someone that can help with this. I think what is hard about this whole situation is while it is great we have each other for support we are both going through unimaginable pain at the same time. Losing our first child has been devastating and all our hopes and dreams felt like they came crashing down the day we lost Hamish.

Hamish each day we will try and be strong knowing that you are watching over us. 

Author: Jodie Matthews

I am a mother, writer, mindful life coach, minimalist and many other things. I love mother nature. I am happiest when I am floating in the ocean. I am a keen traveller and love to explore and discover new places. You can connect with me further on instagram at @jodieleannematthews

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