I wake up feeling sore and tired. I have done a lot of walking the last few days and I think my body is calling out for me to rest. We spend the morning resting in our room and just have some chill out time. Greg is feeling chuffed as last night we stopped in at Woolworths and he bumped into one of his sporting idols Pat Rafter, I was too embarrassed to go have a chat but not Greg. He walks straight up has a good chat and even gets a selfie!
We go into town and visit the local farmers market. We chat to a few locals and pick up some fresh pumpkin gnocchi, cherry tomatoes, garlic, rocket, strawberries and some fresh juice. I decide I want to sit in the shade to drink our juice as it feels around 30 degrees. As we sit down I realize we are near where all the mums and bubs are. I look over not in a jealous way but more like a longing way. I miss Hamish and I wish I could hold him in my arms just one more time. His little body is now just a bunch of ashes. It’s hard to come to terms with this. It’s hard to believe my healthy little boy is gone.
We then decide to head to a road stop café for brunch. After brunch we head back to the wellness centre for more healing sessions. Greg is booked in for Qigong and Acupuncture and I’m in the room next door for a Kinesiology session. As the needles go into Greg I can hear him yelp and squirm. I chuckle a little as I know the acupuncture needles are more like a tiny pin prick but it’s his first time. The Kinesiology session is amazing I feel like I am releasing a lot of hurt and negative beliefs I have held onto from my own birth and childhood. I also work on healing my hurt from Hamish’s birth. It was the toughest 14 hours of my life birthing Hamish. Although a general anaesthetic and C-section may have been my first preference going through the natural labour helped me come to terms with what lay ahead.
After the sessions we head back to our room for another rest. I am listening to my body and trying to take it easy. We spend the afternoon reading and writing and have a nap. As the sun goes down I decide to start cooking up our fresh produce from the markets. Parts of our day like this bring me joy. I feel blessed to be here in this beautiful beach town with my loving husband. We have our health, we have our future together and so much love.
I will forever miss you Hamish. Your Dad wishes he could be watching the footy with you tonight. We both love you so much.
I Am Still Born 