I woke up feeling quite drained. I knew that I needed to get out into some fresh air and go for a walk. Greg and I went to meet some friends from Queensland for brunch and a coastal walk. It is cold but the sun is shining brightly and giving a little warmth when you stand under it. We talked about what happened with Hamish and how we will be doing things differently this time around. I am a little superstitious in the fact that I don’t want to repeat what I did in Hamish’s pregnancy. I am not in the same job. I am living a very different life. We have a new doctor. I cook most of my meals now. I rest more than I did before. Sometimes I don’t even like going to the same cafe’s I went to in the week before Hamish died. So many thoughts go through your head after you lose a child. When you are pregnant again it is hard not to be super protective. I can’t always wrap myself up in cotton wool. I will look after myself the best way I know how though over the next six months and beyond. I will breathe. I will slow down. I will spend time near the ocean. I will nourish and move my body. I will just be. I will allow my emotions to flow through me.
I love you Hamish