Day 267

Today is Mia’s first birthday. I am thinking of her and wishing her a beautiful angel birthday. I know it won’t be long until it is Hamish’s first angel birthday. Just over three months until he would have been one. I know with all my heart and soul that it just wasn’t his time. He had other duties for his spirit to fulfil. It hurts knowing we were so close to meeting him though. I will always be grateful that we meet him and held him for the days after his birth.

The time we spent with him was so precious. Particularly the hours after his birth. He came out warm and looking like he was sleeping. He had a few lines over his body where the cord was wrapped tight but other than that he looked perfect. His button nose, plump lips, full head of hair, long legs, delicate little hands and feet. He weighed just under three kilos. I remember holding his body on mine and looking down at him in awe of his perfection. I couldn’t believe Greg and I had our first precious son. There was so much love in the room. My heart felt like it was beating out of my chest. Greg and I both reminisce about the moments after his birth.

There is something so special about holding your child for the first time outside of your womb. Even though his heart had stopped I could feel his presence in the room. I knew he was going to be our little guardian angel for life. There was so much peace in knowing he was up there with his Grandma. Before this moment I had never thought too much about where our spirits go after death. I grew up in a Christian family and believed there was a heaven. I was now very curious to what else could be out there. I knew after Hamish died this would be something I would need to explore deeply for my own peace of mind.

Hamish I love you so much 

Author: Jodie Matthews

I am a mother, writer, mindful life coach, minimalist and many other things. I love mother nature. I am happiest when I am floating in the ocean. I am a keen traveller and love to explore and discover new places. You can connect with me further on instagram at @jodieleannematthews

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