Today we shared our story at the Gidget Foundation ladies lunch with over 1500 women. The video was shown with me telling our story of losing Hamish and how I felt about going to get help. I never knew how to deal with my grief. I bought every book I could and read so many blogs of other women who have walked this path before me. At times I have felt lost and very sad. I did go and speak to a psychologist at the Gidget House. The lovely Christine helped assure me that I was doing all the right things. She helped me navigate through making some big decisions. When you go to a really dark place you start to second guess yourself. You start to wonder if things will get better. It’s coming up to eight months.
I know my grief isn’t something that I will get over in a period of time. I’ll always carry Hamish in my heart. It’s more about how can I gently live life in my new normal. How can I start to come back to my truth and love more deeply. How can I be the best version of myself. How can I make Hamish and Greg and myself proud. Life can be messy. I am wishing and hoping for Hamish’s siblings to come along soon. I need to surrender to the universe. Falling pregnant is a miracle. It will happen when it’s meant too. I trust and know that.
Hamish I could feel you there with us today. Your daddy held my hand so tight while the video played.
I Am Still Born 