We say our goodbyes to our lovely new friends. It is sad to say goodbye. We are however looking forward to our first scrumptious meal in a week and our new resort on the other side of the island. We arrive at midday and are shown to our amazing pool villa. It is secluded on the hillside overlooking the pure green ocean below. Our infinity pool is huge. Bigger than the pool on the rooftop of our apartment back home. I feel very lucky to be here and have this amazing experience. Greg and I spend the afternoon swimming and basking in the sun. It is days like this when I pinch myself and realise I am living my dream life. I am missing my son but I know I have to trust he is where he is meant to be. I can’t time travel and change how things have turned out. All I have is the present moment. All I have is with me right now.
We go to the busy fisherman’s wharf for our first proper meal. We decide on a authentic Thai restaurant that was recommended by one of our new friends Ta Noi. I am so ready to demolish this delicious green curry and water spinach! We try to pick healthy options as we know our stomach will thank us later. Once home we decide to go for a night swim. The clouds have parted above and in the darkness all we can see is the stars shining brightly. I wonder if we can see Hamish’s star. I think of him knowing I am having this experience thanks to him. I know I wouldn’t be here right now in this moment if it wasn’t for him. I am grateful for everything he has brought into my life. The new friendships and closer old ones, deeper family connections, soulful conversations, more purpose, more love.
Thank you my dear boy for all the love you have brought into our lives.
I Am Still Born 