We went to a church service tonight to honour Hamish and all of the other babies that have left the earth too soon. I was a little nervous about going. Although knowing that most of my support group would be there made me really happy. I knew I wouldn’t be alone in this big church. My family also came along which was lovely. Watching a twenty minute montage of all the babies and children gone too soon was difficult. The choir sang as all the photos passed by on the slide show. I felt like we were attending a thousand funerals in just one day. All of these bereaved parents in one room. Waking in with the unimaginable pain in their hearts.
One big takeaway from the service was that all the parents have chosen love above all else. They have chosen to be more present with their families and other children if they have them. They have decided to make their child in heaven proud. They have decided to be present with each day. Not focus on the past or the future just what is. What is now. That is all we have. Sometimes we forget. Sometimes we get caught up in what should have been or what might be. I will remind myself each day to be grateful for the present and to cherish each moment as it passes.
To see your photo up on that screen was hard tonight. All I wanted was you in my arms. I know how much you love us Hamish. I know our love for you is also felt deeply.
I Am Still Born 