Dear Hamish,
It’s two and a half months since you soul left the earth. I miss you dearly. Each day that goes by I think of you. Please know each day that goes by I will always have you in my mind. I will start to smile more again. I will start to have more fun and laugh more. Please know that there isn’t a moment that you mumma doesn’t think of you. The love I have for you will take a piece of my heart for the rest of my life here on earth.
I have thought more about where your soul is. What your doing up there. I know you are watching over your Dad and I. I know you love us. I can feel that. Each day I was pregnant I felt your love. I knew we would always have a special bond. We waited so long for you to decide it was the right time. We longed for you before we conceived. When we found out you were here we were the most excited parents. At that five week scan seeing your heart beat strong on the screen was such a blessing. I almost couldn’t believe it. It was one of those moments in my life where I pinched myself. Geez I am so blessed. I am one of the luckiest people in the world. I know you felt that love. The day we found it our little BOY was coming at ten weeks. We felt so grateful our little Hamish was on his way. We named you before we conceived. I always knew I was going to have a boy. I had a vision a couple of years earlier of two boys running around on the grass in our new home. Your Dad spoke of his little Hamish so much. He couldn’t wait to play with you. Teach you how to swim and play football.
I couldn’t wait to hold you and be your Mum. I know I was your Mum for those nine months and I’ll always be your Mum. I’ll do my best Hamish. I will wake up each morning knowing I am strong. Knowing I have got this. This was our journey. This was the way it was supposed to be. I keep hearing the 360 song Tiny Angel in my head. Where did you go? Are you alone? How did you get there? I do wonder this. I know over the days, months and years it will all make sense. One day I’ll look back and see how it all worked out. I know this won’t make me miss you less. I do know that I will be happier because of you. I will live life a little more fuller. I will take more chances. I will dance more. I will always do things l love.
Thank you Hamish you are one special boy.
Your mumma,
Love always and forever.
I Am Still Born 