It’s my birthday tomorrow. It is not how I thought turning 34 would be for me. I am however trying my best to embrace this new path. I’m feeling tired after a big day at the wedding. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to share this on the blog but since I’ve been open about how the grief has affected Greg and I am going to keep being open and transparent. Last night Greg told me he has thought a few times about what it would be like to join Hamish. They may just be fleeting thoughts but as he said it I just went into meltdown mode. I was hysterical. I couldn’t believe he was feeling this way. Even if it was just a fleeting thought. Why?! I just don’t understand I wailed. I know it’s been hard the last few weeks but I don’t think it’s anything we can’t get through.
Then just for a moment I thought about what it would be like if we were both with Hamish. I know this might sound horrible but it actually gave me peace thinking of that moment. It actually made me think in about 60 years I will be meeting my son again. These are thoughts of bereaved parents. Thoughts 8 weeks ago I would have never thought either of us would have. I also know we are both so supported and loved. I want to also make sure Greg continues to have all the support he needs through these times. We are both going to be having counseling. We are both committed to getting through these hard times. While the sadness sometimes overrides the joy. I know the dark thoughts will leave eventually. They will go on their merry way and be replaced with happy ones.
Hamish one day we will meet again my sweet boy.
I Am Still Born 