I woke up feeling grateful. I know I don’t have much to complain about. I am missing Hamish like crazy but I do have my health and so much love around me. The hardest part about this whole situation is that I can’t just fix it. Put a band aid over it and hope it will heal. It is much more complex. I am used to being able to come up with solutions and problem solve in my day job. I am used to being able to make things better. I know it will get easier with time. The missing part of my heart though will never heal, I will however learn to live with the emptiness. I will work around it and find a new way. I will create new memories in this life. I will laugh more than cry in the future.
I realised this week how many negative beliefs I had around seeing a psychologist. I also thought I would be wasting their time by going to see one as surely there are other people who need their help more than me. Then the that thought around being weak came in to my head. I not allowed to be weak. I always have to be strong. I also feel like there is so much stigma around managing our mental health. I decided this week to go ‘see’ someone. It was pretty scary but the best thing was I walked out of there feeling so much lighter than I did when I walked in. I felt heard. I felt like I could speak my mind with no judgement. I felt safe and like I was where I was supposed to be.
Thanks Hamish for getting your mum some help. I know she likes to be independant and strong but sometimes even the strongest of person needs help.