Day 45

Today is my 6 week check up with my doctor. Again today has not turned out how it was supposed to. I pictured myself walking into the doctors office with Hamish in my arms. Instead I walk in with a baby album with a few cherished photos of Hamish. Carrying this photo album with me gives me comfort. It forms part of my memory of Hamish. A reminder to show people my baby was real. It is difficult when you become a mum but you walk through life without your physical baby.

We found out today that all the pathology came back clear. There was no signs of infection or anything else that would have caused Hamish to pass away. It was good to know but at the same time upsetting as we know he was a healthy little boy. We think he may have been wrapped in the cord for sometime but there was no sign that this was going to cause any issues. It is not something they look for in scans as most babies will have the cord in some way around them. One of the things though that might have saved Hamish is if I had noticed a big change in his movements. Unfortunately there is not enough awareness and education around on monitoring foetal movements. I am grateful for organisations like Still Aware that are spreading this important message.

Hamish I will continue to spread your message so that we can reduce the amount of angel mums. 

Author: Jodie Matthews

I am a mother, writer, mindful life coach, minimalist and many other things. I love mother nature. I am happiest when I am floating in the ocean. I am a keen traveller and love to explore and discover new places. You can connect with me further on instagram at @jodieleannematthews

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