Day 42

Today was the first day I have put mascara on. To me this is a milestone. I know I might still cry today but I put it on anyway. I carefully did my makeup and put a nice dress on to go out to celebrate my little sisters birthday breakfast. Going out today was difficult as I knew I would be seeing my sisters friends for the first time since Hamish left.

Each time I see someone I haven’t seen since he left is a new experience. Some don’t know what to say, so they say nothing much at all. Others say ‘I’m sorry’. The best way I want others to deal with it is to acknowledge Hamish and allow me to talk about him. It is not exactly the easiest conversation starter ‘How are you since your son died?’ but I do want to talk and open up about it. I want to share Hamish with others. I want to share the lessons he has taught me.

Today I also made a photo book of all the precious photos we have of Hamish. I am so excited for it to arrive. The photos that Deb and the Heartfelt photographer took are amazing. I can stare at Hamish’s cute face for hours, his cute feet with long toes like daddy, his peaceful eyes shut, precious little hands and plump lips like his mumma. I can’t wait to share them with our future children and tell them about their big brother. It is a weird thing but after losing a child all you want is to do is get pregnant again. I know we will wait a while but the natural feeling to me is to want another child. Not to anyway replace Hamish but to expand our family earth-side.

Hamish you are too special not to be shared.

Author: Jodie Matthews

I am a mother, writer, mindful life coach, minimalist and many other things. I love mother nature. I am happiest when I am floating in the ocean. I am a keen traveller and love to explore and discover new places. You can connect with me further on instagram at @jodieleannematthews

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