Do I have permission to feel joy? I have pondered this for the last 37 days. Can I have joy in each day? Should I feel guilty if I have a good laugh? Do I have permission to feel happiness? The answer is yes to most of the above. I may not feel it all day long but to have small pockets of happiness each day really makes me have hope.
After tragedy and great loss we tend to feel guilty when we are trying to get on with our lives. I believe that Hamish is with us everyday. One thing my angel mum and dad friend mentioned was that they didn’t want their daughter to be looking down on them and to see them suffering through life each day. They know their daughter would want them to have happiness, to sleep well, to be healthy and eat well. I know Hamish wants his Dad and I to grow from this, to find joy, have gratitude for life and live well. I know I can make him proud by making the most of each day. By being kind to others, by sharing our story, by getting up with a smile on my face, by crying when I need to, by exercising and eating well.
Another thing that has helped me find joy is listening to others stories of grief and loss and how they have worked through it. I have been listening to a few podcasts over the last few days which have given me some new perspective. Particularly listening to the pregnancy loss podcast and the Oprah super soul sessions. I will link below to the episodes that I have really connected with. These podcasts are worth listening to if you are going through any kind of loss. They have given me hope and also some comfort knowing that there is a light at the end of this. Also that grief is circular and there will be good moments and bad ones, there will be days that are better than others. There is no time line for my grief.
Hamish thank you for allowing me to find joy again. Thank you for watching over your mummy and daddy and guiding us towards the light.
Episode 2 and 31 https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/oprahs-supersoul-conversations/