Today was full of mixed feelings. One part of me is feeling happy and hopeful for the future. Another part of my heart is still feeling sad. I long for Hamish and today I felt like I needed him more than ever. Greg was working from home and I was just feeling a little down. I realised it has been a while since I cried. I lit the candle on Hamish’s urn and cried for my little boy. I don’t want to keep going over the what ifs and all that he would be right now. Some days though the grief takes over in certain moments. In these moments I remind myself of how grateful I am, for I have in my life. I am still at times confused about where I am going. What I am doing with my life. I question the decisions I have made. I know I didn’t make the easy choice. Some days I take a sneak peak at seek.com as I wonder if this whole entrepreneurship lifestyle is for me.
I had a call with one of my soul family today and we chatted about how you can change paths at anytime. It doesn’t always make sense in business. Sometimes we need to follow our heart above all else and make hard choices. Sometimes we need to build a business on soul rather than potential profits. I am going to keep walking this path. I will try my best to stay on track. I have a mastermind which starts next week in person which I am really looking forward too. I think the hardest part of working from home is feeling lonely and not having the connection with as many people that I used to before. I would have contact with up to 100 people most days in my corporate role. Now some days I only see Greg. I know my soul is craving more connection I just need to work out what that looks like.
I love you my boy.