Life is too short to worry about sh*t that doesn’t matter, right. Why do we let the small stuff bother us all the time? Why does a little text message irk us due to the way it is received? The way someone looks at us. A car who cuts us off in traffic. A person on their phone that walks into us. Why do we allow things from our past to keep on bothering us over and over again? Why do we let people trigger us with the things they say? Or the things they don’t say? Are we crazy? Or is it just that we can’t see through each others eyes. We can have empathy but sometimes it is very hard to see through a different lens. No one has had the experiences we have had in life. I have to keep reminding myself this when I hear someone say something silly around stillbirth or losing a child. I know people sometimes don’t know what to say. The worst is when they don’t say anything at all.
I had a very constructive conversation with my lovely social worker Deb and another lovely mum (whose precious daughter was stillborn 17 years ago) who runs events at the hospital today. We had a meeting to talk about how we could possibly run an event and launch my book at the hospital. I was so grateful they asked me to come in and have a chat. The more midwives, social workers and obstetricians who know about the book and how good bereavement care can make a big difference the more they can share the message. I feel like it will snowball and if I spend some time each week sharing it that it will get out to the parents that need it.
The care I got in hospital was exceptional. I wish it was the norm here in Australia but due to funding there just isn’t enough hours in the day for most social workers to do the work they want to do. There isn’t enough funding for bereavement care as it’s not a glamorous area that is focused on. The level of care parents get when they lose a child can directly impact how much their loss puts pressure on their mental health. The right support can mean they can live a full life after their loss. It means they can go on to be better parents for the children they might already have or will have in the future. Without the right care parents can really struggle. I am so grateful for all the organisations like Bears of Hope and Red Nose that helps parents through this time after they lose a child. They make a huge difference.
I love you my boy. You inspire me on this mission every day.