Today I am questioning everything again. I know what really lights my soul on fire. I know that travelling, writing, dancing, spending time in nature, painting, deep soulful conversations, reading, being in flow, feeling peaceful, meditation are all things that light me up. I know it is not about reaching a destination though. I know that when I get a certain thing or to a certain place I won’t be suddenly happy. I know I need to cultivate joy in my life daily. I have been finding it hard though to focus on what I do have this week. I wake up grateful but.. then there is this little thing inside of me that is very sad for what I have lost. A mother without a child is not what I ever wanted to be. I am that mother though and I will always be for the rest of my life. Even when my future children come along, I will still be a mother to my precious angel Hamish. I am going to acknowledge the dark thoughts that come up. I have always been good at looking at the bright side of life. I don’t want to ignore the shadows though and pretend they don’t exist. If I feel sad today I will be and that is ok. It’s seven months today since Hamish was born into this world still. Above all I am proud of the mother I have become and I am glad that he choose me to be his mummy.
Happy seven months buddy. Your Dad and I love you so much.
I Am Still Born 