I had a soul reading today with the talented Lauren from Inner Hue. This was interesting. I don’t know how to describe the reading other than it just made sense. She looked at the colours of my soul and was also was pretty frank on a few things. She asked me if I knew Hamish was only going to be here for a short time. I looked at her with confusion. I then sat with the question and really asked myself. It is hard to know but there was times during my pregnancy when I felt uneasy. I almost didn’t want to celebrate Hamish, particularly on my baby shower day. I felt awkward receiving gifts for him. I felt like I almost shouldn’t be getting anything for him. My soul might of known he was going to leave early but my head didn’t want to believe it.
How many times does our gut instinct, intuition or soul tell us something quietly and we refuse to listen. I believe it’s our human selves trying to protect us from pain. I never wanted this to happen and I will always be on a journey to discover why my soul let this happen. Why I agreed with Hamish that he only needed to come and visit me for nine months. This year will be one of the most special of my life. I still feel lucky to know I had the time I did with Hamish. I feel lucky for all the new friends and old that have shown Greg and I so much kindness. I feel grateful for the closeness Hamish has brought to our families. I am grateful for a fresh start. I am grateful for this new perspective. I am grateful for the lesson of grief, loss and compassion.
I know you are safe Hamish and you will always feel my love.