Author: Jodie Matthews

Monday is feeling very overwhelming to me. I don’t have a job to go to right now but I feel like I need to work on my souls mission. I am committed to finishing the book I have been putting together in the next few weeks. I am still chasing a few interviews up and also working on the design. I started a Pinterest board today for the book here. I am so inspired to help other mums heal from their grief. I know that putting this book together has also helped with my own healing. It was what I would have wanted to read when I was in hospital after losing Hamish. It is what would have made me feel less alone. You don’t realise how many women out there are going through what you are when you go through this. No one talks very openly about baby loss, stillbirth and miscarriages. I wish our society was more open about these things. They are a part of birth as much as taking home a healthy baby is. It was quite hard for me in the first few days to find stories of other women going through this. I felt so isolated. I had some of the best support and one of the best social workers. I hate to think what it is like for women who don’t get a high level of support and comfort during this time.

Hamish keep sending me the strength to get this book finished and out to those who need it. 

I feel grateful today. It is pouring with rain outside and Greg and I are having a restful day at home. We drink hot cacao together and talk about what we want this year to bring for both of us. While we talk about the future, I acknowledge both of us for just being where we are today. I think sometimes my favourite thing to do is plan for the future. I know I need to work harder on being more present. I have been meditating daily which is helping. I am working on finding inner peace. I know that no external thing is going to fix me or give me peace. No matter how much money I have, what job I do or what relationship I am in. Happiness is my inside job. It is my choice to feel the way I want to feel each day.

Sundays. The day of your birth. I think of you at 6:14pm on Sundays. I think of you each day. I think of you on the 10th of every month. I think of you in each moment of my day. I live in your honour. I promise you I won’t take this life for grated anymore. I wont allow myself to do something that doesn’t light me up. 

Today is your Daddy’s birthday,

He is missing you so much

I know when he woke up this morning you were the first thing on his mind

We both thought of you a lot today

What you are doing up there?

Are you proud of us?

We wonder how things would have been if you were still here

We know we can’t change things and bring you back

We can however live in your honour

We can have fun again and laugh knowing that is what you would have wanted 

We can connect to nature knowing you are not far away

I took your Daddy snorkelling today 

We saw a few small fish and one little stingray

It was windy and the swell was causing us to have to swim through the waves

Not ideal weather for snorkelling

 We still had fun though 

I know you were there with us 

Keeping us safe 

I know you can feel the love we have for you

It is bigger than the ocean

Your Daddy is so proud of you my son

He can’t believe the impact you have had in such a short time

How many lives you have changed

How many people that don’t take things for granted anymore

How you have changed both of our paths in life forever

How you have made us more loving and open

How you have allowed us to listen to our hearts 

How you have allowed us to connect in to our souls voice

Thank you Hamish we will forever be grateful for your short life

I watched the sunrise over the ocean this morning. The sun peeped it’s head out of the clouds around 7am. I had a nourishing breakfast with two of my angel parent friends sitting on the headland. It was a beautiful warm morning and we sat in awe of the beauty of the ocean. We took a few photos and a couple had a green orb right near me. They say this can be a healing orb or spirit. I do believe our babies were with us this morning. I believe they are always guiding us in our lives. When I feel connected to nature I feel more connected to Hamish. We decided after breakfast we would go snorkelling and pick out some nice spots for me to take Greg on his birthday. I bought him a new snorkelling kit as a surprise. We spent a long time swimming with all the fish. There were so many and some were quite big. The blue gropers were the largest. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to be swimming with all of these fish. That was until we swam upto another beach and there was heaps of blue bottles. I jumped out of the water as quickly as I could so that I wouldn’t get bitten.

In the afternoon I went to visit one of my soul sisters in hospital. She had just given birth two days earlier to her second precious daughter. We were pregnant together and I feel like Mabel and Hamish would have been friends in the spirit world. It was a special moment holding her in my arms. I just looked at her gorgeous face, cute cheeks and  stroked the abundance of dark hair on her head. Mabel is beautiful and I am so blessed another little soul has made her way peacefully to earth. Since losing Hamish I know how close life and death is. I take a deep breath out when I hear of the safe arrival of any of my friends babies. I am particularly thinking of my angel mum friends who are pregnant again. I know this road isn’t easy for them and I am sending them all my love, positive vibes and light I can. I know they are anxious and I wish I could help them feel more at ease.

Hamish can you please send your spirit love to the babies that are yet to be born and pray for their safe arrival.

I feel good today, like I know that everything is going to be ok. I fall into a deep meditative state and take some long breaths in and out. Since completing the meditation teacher training I have committed to meditating 20 minutes a day in silence. Some days are easier than others. I find myself getting distracted easily when I’m at home. I feel the benefits as each day I am calm. I don’t get stressed anymore like I used to. Yes, I still have a bit of anxiety sometimes but only occasionally. Life flows easier. I don’t sweat the small stuff. Meditation has allowed me to slow down my thoughts and create. It helps me tap into my creativity. It helps me bring things to life. It also helps me to make decisions. I can meditate and then something will just come to me after. It’s Greg’s birthday on the weekend. I was hoping in today’s meditation something would come to me for it.

I decided I want to put together some guided meditations. One that I am starting with is for mother’s that have lost a child. I have recorded it and it is below. I want to start recording more and doing in person meditations in the coming weeks. When you are just getting started with meditation having a guided one can really help you become more mindful. It can also be a powerful tool to focus on letting go, cultivating gratitude, generating more love and happiness in your life. Meditating is just one tool that has helped me in the past few months become more present in my life. I am no longer hooked to keeping up to date on social media or my emails. I realise now it’s ok to take time out for myself. It’s ok not to be available 24/7.

Here is the meditation I created today for Angel Mothers:

Hamish thank you for giving me the strength to create gifts like these for the world. 

Today I woke up feeling rested and peaceful. I started my day with meditation and then had a coaching group call with some lovely ladies. After the call I felt very inspired to keep taking action. I was feeling overwhelmed by all the decisions I want to make and things I want to change in my life. Instead I am just going to focus on the next week. I am going to focus on each day as it comes and small tasks that I want to complete. Rather then having a huge life overhaul in one week. I reached out to my friend at my work to catch up. I set up a full moon meditation event with some angel mums. I cleaned my apartment and caught up on house work. I am still not sure where I will be in three months but that doesn’t really matter. All that matters is that I continue to follow my heart each day. That I tune into my soul. That I live from a place of love each day. That I am present in each moment.

Hamish I love you. 

I feel jetlagged. I know for Greg it is much worse. He is recovering from flying to Scotland and back in just one week. I am still downloading so much from the weekend. It is percolating inside. I know I need to start taking action. I know I need to start putting some things in place for what the next few months will hold. I know I want to start running women’s circles and meditations. I know I want to collaborate in live events with my soul sisters. I know I want to go and give my business all that I’ve got. I know I want to help other angel mums along this journey. I know I want to honour myself and be calm and peaceful in all that I do. I know I want to keep exploring who I truly am. It is so easy to get caught up in life and obligations sometimes that we forget who we are. We forget what lights us up. We forget what we value. We allow others to dictate our time. We allow others to hook in to our energy and bring us down. This year I am committed to staying true to myself. I am setting up my days and ensuring they have meditation, nature and nourishing food. Time with the ones that I love. Time alone to create and sit in silence. This is what fills me up. I am a better person when I have time alone. If I am constantly on the go I can feel myself slowly getting pushed away.

Hamish I am so grateful for the time you have given me. In my entire adult life this is the first time I have really sat in my feelings and emotions. It is the first time I haven’t been go go go. It is the first time I have really asked myself what I want to do with each day. It is the first time I have had the courage to truly share what is on my heart. Thank you my boy I will be forever grateful to you. 

I am feeling so hungover and tired. I rang virgin and got my flight changed to an earlier one. This is a feeling I do not miss. I haven’t had a big night out in a long time, it has hit me hard. I have no excuses though and I feel like it was worth it. I want to live a more intentional life. That doesn’t mean I can’t let my hair down once and a while. I get home and crawl into bed around 3pm and sleep till 8pm. I then get ready to go pick Greg up from the airport. He is flying home today and I am so excited for him to be back. I bought a welcome home balloon and waited at the arrivals for him to come in. I surprised him and told him I couldn’t make it to pick him up. This then backfired as he didn’t see me and walked straight out of the building! I had to chase after him and let him know I was here waiting.

Back in your arms where I belong

Your love feels so good

I wake up each day feeling blessed

Knowing I have a partner in life like you

Life has thrown us some big challenges

It has also thrown us many blessings

I am so grateful to spend my life with you

I love you my dear husband

Forever and Always 

J

I want to thank Yvette Luciano for allowing her chief entity Soulpreneurs to put on this conference. It has allowed me to connect with so many women who I love. Some I have only connected with online or met a few times. It feels so good to find my Soulpreneurs and be surrounded by them. Today we started with Denise Duffield Thomas on mindset and money. She got us up and saying ‘This is what a wealthy woman looks like’. She reminded us all ‘Why not me?’. Also that rich women will change the world. We then delved into social media and how it feels for all of us. There was a great panel including Kate from Betty Means Business and Rachael Macdonald from Inspaces Between. The main message was to be vulnerable and show up through live video if you can. Go in your own lane and rock the social media that feels good for you.

The next speaker was Carren Smith who is the author of Soul Survivor. Carren lost her partner to suicide then a year later almost died in the Bali Bombing of 2002. She was then catapulted from a deep depression to turning her life into some kind of meaning. She started sharing her story and now she is a professional speaker and author who inspires thousands of people. I am looking forward to reading her book. Finally Yvette closed out the day with my gorgeous friend Jade Mackenzie. We wrote down all the things that we needed to do in the next week. Riding high from the conference we wanted to make sure we put some of that energy into action. Jade is a beautiful soul and she is head of the event head which organised this event. I am so grateful to have so many amazing women in my life. I had some heartfelt chats with some amazing souls after the event. One of them was Tara Bliss whom I have met a few times. She wrote a heartfelt blog series after suffering two miscarriages. Reading her blog after my own loss of Hamish really helped. It was nice to give her a hug and let her know how much her words helped me. I spent the afternoon in tears on and off. They were tears of happiness and also of acknowledgement of how far I have come in five months. After the conference finished we went out for cocktails. What was going to be an early night ended at 3:30am on a dance floor at a club in Brisbane. I haven’t danced like that in a long time. I felt so free. I felt so peaceful and like my heart had become lighter.

Thank you Hamish for surrounding me with so much love always. 

It is really hard to put into words what today has meant for me. Spending time with my soul sisters and being a part of this conference has been so heart warming. I am feeling even more certain I am on the right path. I am checking in with my soul each day to make sure I am aligned in everything I do. I am asking my spiritual board of directors to ensure I stay on track. I am calling in all my angels and guides to help me on this path. My intentions are to stay calm, peaceful and grounded each day. To show up as my true self 100%. To be of service each day and continue to share my heart. Finish and publish my book for other women who need it. To continue to have rich relationships with those I love. To take each moment as it comes and be present.

The speakers that really touched my heart today were Luke Hines, Gala Darling, Leon Nacson and Tara Bliss. Luke Hines for his vulnerability and truth that he shared. He had a bit of a breakdown as he was trying to keep up with so much each day. He realised his ego was driving some of his business. He asked us to share from the heart when it comes to social media. Share from a place of service not to get a certain amount of likes. Share it like you would with a friend. Gala reminded me that a small bit of action is all that it takes. Gala also said ‘Front load your day with shit that lights you up!’. It is that simple to make pleasure a priority in your life. She also reminded us to stop worrying about what you think people want and create what you want out there in the world. We got homework which consisted of – Sign up to a twerking class, ruthlessly cancel anything that fills you with dread and tap on your limiting beliefs (as in EFT).

Tara reminded us that our businesses are not us. We are a separate entity to them and we need to allow them to spread their wings and fly. Tara reminded us that we need to protect our solar plexus, our sacred power centre. If others are hooking in and taking your power then kindly unhook them and let them go. Tara spoke about how collaborative leadership with the earth and others is a must. She also mentioned we must ask our businesses where to go next? Who to hire? What to create?. She also said this truth bomb – Stamina to leave a legacy requires endurance.

Leon was one of my favourite speakers as not only was he hilarious but he was so real. The guy is CEO of the huge publishing company that is Hay House Australia and the story of how he got there is almost unbelievable. He was overweight and drank a bottle of calamine lotion instead of Mylanta when he had indigestion after eating a pizza. That lead him down a rabbit hole to end up representing some of the biggest names in spirituality and health. He then became a published best selling author through dictation as he had dyslexia and wasn’t interested in writing it out. He overcame many things where most people would quit. The message I got loud and clear from all the speakers was that ‘you have no excuse’. Go out there into the world and create. Sometimes you may fail and flop on your face. Other times you may succeed more than your wildest dreams. So go out there, don’t be shy.

Hamish I am so grateful for today. Thank you for giving me this kick up the butt to get going with all my dreams.